Friends and family - Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus

For me, summertime is the time that I try to pull the house together. De-cluttering and organizing don't get done during the school year. I try to keep things tidy and to a minimum. Stuff makes me miserable. We live in small quarters, so no matter how much I try to purge we always have too much stuff for my comfort. (:

Today I was helping Micah tidy his room and go through some stuff. It was time for us to go through his hospital stuff. His art therapy memories have already been pared down. We have kept his special stuffed animals, his ports, his bravery beads, his oxygen mask and many other things. They are things that remind us of the journey. They tell a story. 

Micah's stuff animals remind him of surgeries and procedures. His oxygen mask makes me ache at the remembrance of the utter pain he suffered in March 2010 in the week following his lung surgery. I am thankful that he can't remember.  His ports bring joy because they are out and not needed. But they also make me remember how I had to fight for him to get a port at relapse. The docs weren't being mean or rude by wanting to give him a PICC line. I never butted heads with them ever. They were amazing and if I had to do it again, I would choose our team. But PICC lines were more temporary and easier to put in. They didn't think he would need it long enough to warrant a surgery. But you need to be careful with them because they are not waterproof. Mican needed to be able to soak in the hot tub or bath. That was his love language and helped him cope. I also wasn't ready at that point to think that his life was only temporary. So in a way, his second port is a sign of a battle won in more ways than one.

We also found our tote full of cards and drawings. There are cards from family, from strangers and from friends from far and near. I found a bulletin from a church in St Thomas that had put Micah on their prayer list. I found scrapbook pages from the grade 11 and 12 class at Heritage Christian School, Kindergarten pictures from ORCS and even cards in dutch - All I know is that they were sending love. (:  Although he enjoyed opening all the cards, Micah was so little and doesn't have as much of a connection to them. He was ready to part with them. 

I had an open garbage bag and we started putting the cards in. I took them all out. I couldn't do it. These cards and the love they represent is our family's story.  I cried as I read the messages of encouragement and as I looked at the names of those who sent them. I smiled when I saw the names of little kids who wrote their letters backwards. People gave to us in so many capacities and we are still so thankful. The family of Christ has been and will always be such a treasure to us. 

So it's been many years since I have said this and it may seem a bit odd to say this now. But today has just reminded me again so clearly of how people loved us. I have to say it...

THANK YOU, family and friends, for being the hands and feet of Christ in our time of need. You all taught us so much and your love often came at times that we needed it most. The Lord used you all in a beautiful way and it will never be forgotten.

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Postscript

*Every time I write about cancer, I have a little niggle, so I feel like I need to explain. Maybe I don't. But humor me as I do. (: I have tried not write about cancer in the last years. But I seem to write about that time of our lives in different forms and from different perspectives often. Sometimes I think that it's time to move on. It's in the past. It's over. But I can't help it, it's what comes out when I sit down to write.  

We don't talk about it a lot at home. Rarely. Ken and I will share a look and sometimes some tears if something opens the cracks in our hearts, but that's it. But it's so part of who we are. It has shaped us and in many ways has changed us all and has had a direct influence on who we are today.  It affected everybody in the family differently. But for me, it was a time of growing and learning. I learned to love people differently and learned how to be a safe place for hurting because I know what it is to feel intense pain. It taught me about God and showed me His character. I was broken and He mended me back together. The darkness has made the light even more beautiful and I learned to trust Him completely - come what may. (It sounds simplistic in those words. It's not. It's still hard sometimes. But the head knowledge and faith are firmly there. He has shown me over and over how faithful He is even in the hard. My heart is sometimes slow to connect with my mind though.)  He is my King on the throne and nothing will ever change that. Writing these last lines has reminded me of  LD 1 in the Heidelburg Catechism. They are beautiful words. 

Q: What is your only comfort

in life and death?

A.That I am not my own, 1

but belong with body and soul,

both in life and in death, 2

to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ. 3

He has fully paid for all my sins

with his precious blood, 4

and has set me free

from all the power of the devil. 5

He also preserves me in such a way 6

that without the will of my heavenly Father

not a hair can fall from my head; 7

indeed, all things must work together

for my salvation. 8

Therefore, by his Holy Spirit

he also assures me

of eternal life 9

and makes me heartily willing and ready

from now on to live for him. 1

I am coming to the conclusion that the words will never dry up. They may come in different forms and evolve as time passes, but they will always be there. They are part of the fabric of my life and I am so thankful that the Lord showed Himself to me through our dark days. I am so relieved that we are through it and I don't wish grief on myself or anyone else, but sometimes I think about what I would have missed if the Lord had chosen a different path for us.