Grace Micaiah is 8 - A Light in The Darkest Time
Our Grace girl turns 8 tomorrow. She is such a special girl. The Lord gave her to us at exactly the right time, even though at the time I thought it was all wrong. It seems like this whole post should only be about Grace, but the beginning of her life was woven into Micah's story. Her name gives testament to that. Grace Micaiah. Grace, because of the Lord's tender care for us during her pregnancy and in the darkness that we walked. Micaiah, because I thought they might not ever meet in person and if they did, it would have been short. I wanted her to have a piece of her brother that she would never know.
Her pregnancy was one of the most beautiful, but one of the toughest. Micah relapsed when I was about 10 weeks pregnant. Truthfully, to me, it was the worse case scenario. I had watched a mom lose her 2 year old to cancer while she was very pregnant, the first time Micah went through treatment and I just didn't think I could survive that. I grieved deeply for that family as I watched her pace 'that end of the hall' with her hand on her big belly. Their family would never be complete on this side of heaven and to me, that was too painful to consider.
Our girl was due the month we were to lose Micah. That fact made my heart hurt so much that sometimes I could hardly breathe. I remember clearly sitting in rooms of the hospital talking to doctors and nurses about the grim human statistics and situations - "No hope. End of life care. Even with surgery, it will come back." While talking about these things, I would feel Grace's little body moving and kicking under my hand. They were two extremes. Death and new life.
During my 20 week ultrasound, I cried on the table as I looked at our beautiful girl with the button nose for the first time. I wanted so badly for her to meet her big brother and to have pictures of them together. I would have been happy with a week, but of course, I longed for years. As I cried, our story tumbled out to my lady. She was my lady because she ultra-sounded most of my babies. She called me later that week and offered me as many ultrasounds as I wanted so that Micah could see more of Grace as she grew. What a kind gift. Micah was only 8. So while he did see Grace, it was harder for him to connect with her like that. Babies still look a little funny on ultrasound. But it was the best we could do.
When I was 30 weeks pregnant, Micah had surgery to remove part of his lung as a last chance to heal him. That was one of the hardest things we endured, but the Lord carried us in a beautiful way. Micah was due for his first scans to see how successful surgery was a few weeks after my due date. I tended to go late, so my midwife checked me on my due date and told me she was going to induce me 2 days later. This would give us a chance to have Grace home for a few weeks with the family and be settled before the scans. I was sure there was still going to be cancer in his little body. But I was wrong. Those scans were clear and they have been ever since. Praise God for His power!
I have a picture of Ken and I walking out the front door to go to the hospital. We looked so tired and we were scared. We were trusting the Lord and we knew that we were in His hands. But our last birth had been traumatic and scary. We just didn't think we could handle any bumps or scares. We knew we would fall apart because we were so tender and bruised by that point. Her birth was picture perfect, just like Josh, Micah, and Natalie. It was hard but steady. She was beautiful and perfect. When Ken held her for the first time, he smiled. It was one of the first real smiles in months. Writing that just made me cry. I didn't think he would ever recover from Micah's relapse. He was so broken. That smile was the beginning of healing. It took years, but it happened. The Lord used Grace as an instrument of healing for all of us. When I thought at the beginning that it was the worse timing possible, the Lord knew that it was the best timing possible. Babies are always a gift, but she was one of special proportion. Since then, she has been such a sweet blessing.
Grace is tender, kind and spiritually sensitive. Her big eyes and dimples make us melt a little still. She loves school and loves music. She just learned to ride her bike in the last months and swimming is just clicking with her. She is also playing baseball for the first time. She is a bit of a cautious girl when it comes to physical stuff. She hates to get hurt. She was super friendly and as a baby was always the one who would smile at people and melt them into a puddle. As a bigger girl, she never struggles to walk up to someone at the park and ask them to play. She is starting to want to learn to cook and help in the kitchen more lately. She is getting big. I just adore who she is.
All of our kids have their place and reasons for being special. Grace's is that she was light in the darkness. She was a symbol of life when we were looking at death. Grace is an example of the Lord's love and kindness towards us. Lord O Lord how excellent is your name in all the earth!
Some pictures:
I was so thankful that Natalie was given a sister. Even though all 3 of my girls are 6 years apart, the years won't matter in time. After Grace was born, I loved the term, "the girls". It still makes me smile. (This picture won't center. Tell me it will be ok!!!!! I like things square and organized. haha. )
Happy Birthday, dear Grace baby. You are a special gift to us and we love you.
Our girl was due the month we were to lose Micah. That fact made my heart hurt so much that sometimes I could hardly breathe. I remember clearly sitting in rooms of the hospital talking to doctors and nurses about the grim human statistics and situations - "No hope. End of life care. Even with surgery, it will come back." While talking about these things, I would feel Grace's little body moving and kicking under my hand. They were two extremes. Death and new life.
During my 20 week ultrasound, I cried on the table as I looked at our beautiful girl with the button nose for the first time. I wanted so badly for her to meet her big brother and to have pictures of them together. I would have been happy with a week, but of course, I longed for years. As I cried, our story tumbled out to my lady. She was my lady because she ultra-sounded most of my babies. She called me later that week and offered me as many ultrasounds as I wanted so that Micah could see more of Grace as she grew. What a kind gift. Micah was only 8. So while he did see Grace, it was harder for him to connect with her like that. Babies still look a little funny on ultrasound. But it was the best we could do.
When I was 30 weeks pregnant, Micah had surgery to remove part of his lung as a last chance to heal him. That was one of the hardest things we endured, but the Lord carried us in a beautiful way. Micah was due for his first scans to see how successful surgery was a few weeks after my due date. I tended to go late, so my midwife checked me on my due date and told me she was going to induce me 2 days later. This would give us a chance to have Grace home for a few weeks with the family and be settled before the scans. I was sure there was still going to be cancer in his little body. But I was wrong. Those scans were clear and they have been ever since. Praise God for His power!
I have a picture of Ken and I walking out the front door to go to the hospital. We looked so tired and we were scared. We were trusting the Lord and we knew that we were in His hands. But our last birth had been traumatic and scary. We just didn't think we could handle any bumps or scares. We knew we would fall apart because we were so tender and bruised by that point. Her birth was picture perfect, just like Josh, Micah, and Natalie. It was hard but steady. She was beautiful and perfect. When Ken held her for the first time, he smiled. It was one of the first real smiles in months. Writing that just made me cry. I didn't think he would ever recover from Micah's relapse. He was so broken. That smile was the beginning of healing. It took years, but it happened. The Lord used Grace as an instrument of healing for all of us. When I thought at the beginning that it was the worse timing possible, the Lord knew that it was the best timing possible. Babies are always a gift, but she was one of special proportion. Since then, she has been such a sweet blessing.
Grace is tender, kind and spiritually sensitive. Her big eyes and dimples make us melt a little still. She loves school and loves music. She just learned to ride her bike in the last months and swimming is just clicking with her. She is also playing baseball for the first time. She is a bit of a cautious girl when it comes to physical stuff. She hates to get hurt. She was super friendly and as a baby was always the one who would smile at people and melt them into a puddle. As a bigger girl, she never struggles to walk up to someone at the park and ask them to play. She is starting to want to learn to cook and help in the kitchen more lately. She is getting big. I just adore who she is.
All of our kids have their place and reasons for being special. Grace's is that she was light in the darkness. She was a symbol of life when we were looking at death. Grace is an example of the Lord's love and kindness towards us. Lord O Lord how excellent is your name in all the earth!
Some pictures:
One of my favorites of all time, even with Ken's thumb! (: I love fresh babies and would do it 10 more times, just for this moment. I remember saying right here "Ken! Look at her!! She is perfect and looks exactly how we imagined!!!! We have been waiting for you Grace!" The overwhelming thankfulness that she was with us and healthy just can't be described.
Complete joy and contentment
The picture we had been waiting for. A very exhausted Ken with Micah and his new girl. Micah is still recovering from his surgery that had happened about 10 weeks ago. I can see it in his color and the look around his eyes.
Micah carried Grace to a bed in a quiet room out of the way and laid down with her and was just watching her. I saw this and quietly took a picture. This was the one that I was prepared to hold onto for the years to come.
She went through a few months of constantly sticking out her tongue!
Dimples so deep that you could have a drink from them! (:
I was so thankful that Natalie was given a sister. Even though all 3 of my girls are 6 years apart, the years won't matter in time. After Grace was born, I loved the term, "the girls". It still makes me smile. (This picture won't center. Tell me it will be ok!!!!! I like things square and organized. haha. )
At the ocean. A wonderful place to be!
My girl is getting big. What a sweet love she is!
Happy Birthday, dear Grace baby. You are a special gift to us and we love you.
Happiest of birthdays to your sweet Grace! She is a treasure! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat an emotional roller coaster for you all but how wonderful that things have gone well with Micah. Grace is adorable. So thankful the Lord has provided for you all. It was difficult reading this without getting choked up. May God receive all the glory for the many blessings He has given you.
ReplyDelete