Prayer please.
I have been writing up a storm the last few days. Thoughts of port surgeries and big surgeries have been swirling.
Even though this is such a small surgery, we have been struggling a bit, everyone in their way.
Normally we don't sit around thinking about the past. God is pushing us forward in a beautiful way. We are so thankful that the memories and pain are fading more with each year that passes, but there are just some times that those cracks in our hearts break open a little bit and sting like crazy.
There are so many things that have gone on just in that area of the hospital. The memories that the pre-op, waiting and recovering rooms hold are so painful that words can hardly express them!
Walking out of the OR and taking my mask off while leaving him with complete strangers that were going to cut a 8 inch incision in his belly and explore and cut inside his tiny little five year old body for 7 hours, wondering if they would get it all and if he would have excess bleeding because of the location of the tumor....
Hearing the surgeon tell us how big the initial tumor was and that he thought it was malignant, in that hall in front of 30 pairs of eyes......
Seeing Micah is the recovery room, looking closer to death than life, with so many wires and tubes after the first surgery....
Weeping/Sobbing/Crying/ Begging God in that bathroom after we saw him.....
Standing against the wall in the hall, waiting 2 hours past the time they were supposed to be finished Micah's lung surgery, wondering if something had gone wrong, while holding my very pregnant belly.....
Seeing him in recovery after his lung surgery and watching his lungs move one at a time when he breathed, making us panic that something wasn't right.....
Even though circumstances are so different and it's possible it may be his last time ever in surgery, I just can't be excited. The last time we got his port out, it was a celebration. I even have pictures in pre-op. But I am just not eager to let him go into surgery and sit in those chairs. It's just hard.
This is also the first time Micah will be going into surgery by himself. Every other time, one of us was able to suit up and be with him until he went to sleep. Now that he is 10, he is too old for that program. It may be harder on him than he thinks.
Tomorrow (Friday), could you please pray that this simple surgery will go smoothly and that Micah will tolerate the anesthetic well? Please pray for Micah, Ken and I? By 9:30 we should be in pre-op. 11:30, he should be going in and by 12:30 he should be in recovery. Please also pray for Josh. He loves Micah so much and waiting at home is very hard for him.
We thank you.
Even though this is such a small surgery, we have been struggling a bit, everyone in their way.
Normally we don't sit around thinking about the past. God is pushing us forward in a beautiful way. We are so thankful that the memories and pain are fading more with each year that passes, but there are just some times that those cracks in our hearts break open a little bit and sting like crazy.
There are so many things that have gone on just in that area of the hospital. The memories that the pre-op, waiting and recovering rooms hold are so painful that words can hardly express them!
Walking out of the OR and taking my mask off while leaving him with complete strangers that were going to cut a 8 inch incision in his belly and explore and cut inside his tiny little five year old body for 7 hours, wondering if they would get it all and if he would have excess bleeding because of the location of the tumor....
Hearing the surgeon tell us how big the initial tumor was and that he thought it was malignant, in that hall in front of 30 pairs of eyes......
Seeing Micah is the recovery room, looking closer to death than life, with so many wires and tubes after the first surgery....
Weeping/Sobbing/Crying/ Begging God in that bathroom after we saw him.....
Standing against the wall in the hall, waiting 2 hours past the time they were supposed to be finished Micah's lung surgery, wondering if something had gone wrong, while holding my very pregnant belly.....
Seeing him in recovery after his lung surgery and watching his lungs move one at a time when he breathed, making us panic that something wasn't right.....
Even though circumstances are so different and it's possible it may be his last time ever in surgery, I just can't be excited. The last time we got his port out, it was a celebration. I even have pictures in pre-op. But I am just not eager to let him go into surgery and sit in those chairs. It's just hard.
This is also the first time Micah will be going into surgery by himself. Every other time, one of us was able to suit up and be with him until he went to sleep. Now that he is 10, he is too old for that program. It may be harder on him than he thinks.
Tomorrow (Friday), could you please pray that this simple surgery will go smoothly and that Micah will tolerate the anesthetic well? Please pray for Micah, Ken and I? By 9:30 we should be in pre-op. 11:30, he should be going in and by 12:30 he should be in recovery. Please also pray for Josh. He loves Micah so much and waiting at home is very hard for him.
We thank you.
Oh Belinda, I will be praying for you. I have an appointment on Friday at 10:30. Just before I get out my car, I will pray for micah and for your family. Please update us when he is in recovery.
ReplyDeletePraying lady!! Love you. Pleading God takes the burden of all those memories.
ReplyDeletepraying for you all !
ReplyDeletedefinitely praying for you ALL as you walk this familiar path once again. as a mother, my heart breaks over the the fact that you can't 'suit up' & be with him as he goes under. the Lord give you peace!
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for each person in your family, especially Micah, as well as the surgeon and medical team! Praying for peace be with you all.
ReplyDeleteWe will pray. Hard. For all of you. We pray that you all may receive strength and peace tomorrow.
ReplyDelete