Pray for Cheyenne and Micah's Port.

My house is quite a mess and everyone just left for baseball and I should be putting myself into gear and working like a crazy woman to get it done. But I am so tried. Pips has been sick for a few days and I have had little sleep. I am not used to little sleep anymore. I am thankful she is starting to feel better.

I think I just need to sit for a moment to stop the swirling of thoughts.


Tomorrow Micah has an appointment with the surgeon who is going to take his port out. We are hoping to get an early surgery date, so are we clear to move if our house sells and the buyers want a quick closing date.

Last time when Micah got his port out, it was a day of celebration. It was about 7 months after treatment was done. We even took pictures just before we went in to the OR. (I packed the CD's and I can't find them on the computer!) We were smiling and laughing. It was so fun. He recovered nicely. We had no thought of relapse. Looking back, I know we were told he was at greater risk because he was stage 4 when diagnosed. I know they told us that he had a  50/50 chance of relapse. As detail oriented as I am, I didn't let that sink in or think about it. Maybe it was the Lord letting us live those months in peace.

His surgery was late September. About 10 weeks later, we put it back in.

This time I am excited. It signifies an end point in a way. He is 2 years cancer free. But I am way more reserved. It is wise to take it out, but I can't quite celebrate. I don`t take for granted where we are and how blessed we are.

Only the Lord knows what is planned for our boy.

After saying that,  I have been thinking about Micah's scan in 2 weeks.  I do have much peace about it. I really do feel relaxed for the first time in a few years actually. I think part of it is that I think, that if God wants us to go to seminary, He will keep Micah healthy. I know God doesn't always work like that. But I can't stop thinking that way for some reason. Whatever the  reason, I am at peace and am thankful  and do truly trust in Him, knowing that what He has planned for our little family is right. He could give us another season of sorrow and grief or He could give us years of health and joy. Whatever it is, He is always good. He will always supply what we need and He will always keep our head above the waves, even if we are still getting our face wet and are weak because the water is so rough. He will never let us drown. He promises and I believe Him.   


I needed to write that. Often as I am just writing, God uses it to preach the truths back to myself, just when I need it.  It makes me so teary and so thankful that we serve such a mighty God. Sometimes I may fight with Him like a naughty child, but He always brings me back to where He wants me. In that place of submission, there is peace. 

Micah is getting what Grace has. He has been coughing a lot , is so tired and has had a headache. I am so thankful everyone else is feeling lousy. Yep, you read that right. Siah could be so white and not moving in bed. I can give him a kiss, some advil  and tell him he will feel better and not worry at all. But as soon as I see those dark circles under Micah's eyes, it fills me with dread; not just a little. A lot. Those dark circles are so familiar and  associated with a sick, tired boy.  When he was on treatment I would look at his eyes and know how he was doing. It hurts me. But it makes it easier when the rest of the kids are feeling yuck too.

I am thinking so much about little Cheyenne who got her port in last week. She had a CT scan yesterday. They are working on staging her cancer so they can determine a treatment plan. She has the same cancer as Micah did, which is called Rhabdomyosarcoma. But hers started on the side of her face. My heart aches for this little family. There is nothing easy or comfortable about going for test after test, praying her cancer has not spread. It is exhausting in every way. Please pray for this family. 

Ok. Time to clean up.