I am so thankful that it's done.

There is part of me that wants to do a quick post. I want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with Micah, so let's us all be thankful, praise the Lord and move on. My posts for the last 2 weeks have been consumed with concerns and prayer requests and I am ready for cheery! (O:

We are so thankful that through our beautiful boy, God has shown his power and his mercy. He has shown all who have watched, God's character and how He does perform miracles. But I wouldn't be honest or be telling the whole story if I didn't tell you that today was so hard and that I am so emotionally exhausted that I would like to put the covers over my head for a week. The tension of today and last weeks brought me to tears tonight. There were lots of them.

I really did struggle with anger coming home. I was thankful. But when you hear there are details to discuss about a scan, that doesn't sound OK. Details sound negative to me. But everyone uses and perceives words differently. Also on our end, it is easy to look at those words differently than the people on the other end! It just is. It is no ones fault. It happens.

The details were that Micah has a nodule on his lung. Nodule is rarely an OK word. But in this case, it is something he has had since his scans in 2007. It is scar tissue or maybe it's just the way he is made. Once I thought about it, this info is something we already knew.  So all that anticipating  and wondering was for nothing. I am sure there is a reason, I just wish this time it could have been avoided. You know? I think I am going to pray to stop anticipating and wondering and thinking and to just be able to go with the flow. Just take info in when I need to and not think about it other times. That is not my nature, I need details yesterday. But I am not sure that drive is really worth it. Just so you know I am not angry anymore. God changed my perspective. (o:

In Art therapy today we met a girl. She was about 16ish, had a fun new haircut and was in a wheelchair. She was tired. She is doing radiation now. When I look at kids on treatment, I rarely wonder if the Lord will continue to give them life. I just think about the fact that they are on treatment and I pray that God uses it.

Lisa is so dear to me. She is a palliation nurse. I never knew that until we came under her care. I would see her around and wonder what her role was. She spent so much time with us in those 7 months. Her job is to physically and emotionally help children die as comfortably as possible, as well as be a support to the parents. She was that and much more.

As we were crafting Lisa came in. At first I thought she was sticking her head in to say hi. We kind of keep in touch. Those relationships are not easily broken. Quickly I realized that she was coming in to take the new girl for a chat. They had an easy relationship and were comfortable with each other. It hit me so hard that they needed Lisa. There is only one reason for that.  I looked at Lisa, then the girl and then her Dad. Tears welled up so quickly. A minute ago we were chatting and the dad was participating and laughing. In a second things in my eyes changed. I saw the burden on his shoulders. I saw the way his fingers held tightly onto her binder that holds treatment info, side affects and who to call when. I saw that his smile was sad. I watched him as he paced the hall waiting for his little girl to be done chatting.

I have been where that man is. I thought a lot about those times on the way home. It hurt my heart so much. All I could say was thank you Lord, not only for sparing Micah, but also for the growth and blessings that came from that trial. It also made me wonder how I walked that road : All those days at the hospital. The scans and tests. The chemo and the surgery. The waiting.  The mourning. The hoping...... Well, I didn't walk it. I was carried all the way through. It is amazing. My God is amazing.

I am so thankful that today is done. Our boy is healthy. Our last door has been opened in regards to seminary. The Lord willing, off we go as a family of 7. I have also learned new things a long the way. His blessings never grow old to me.

Thank you all for being with us the last few weeks. Thanks for your prayers, comments and emails. God has used you for our comfort and support. What a beautiful thing.