Not yet.....
Hmmm.... I don't really know what to say. But I just need to write something.
Today we did school in a most normal way. The kids went to my parents (across the street) for a pizza lunch. I appreciated that and the kids love it too. While they were gone I enjoyed the quiet and baked some cookies. It sounds very Leave it to Beaverish. Hehe. That is not me at all. (O: Ken just took the 4 kids to library just to give me a little time on my own. He does things like that all the time. He is a special man.
Ken and I feel kind of suspended in the day today. We are unable to move forward in our minds beyond tomorrow. Ken and I have a crazy fun 3 days outing planned at the end of this week. We have been trying to do this for a year. We got a super cheap get away, but it has never worked to use it. It makes me scream with delight. I have been looking forward to this for a loooooong time. But today I can't see it. We could go to Marineland on a homeschool trip and need to sign up by tonight, but I can't yet. I have been invited to a girl's sleep over/conference with some cousins and I can't commit. We can't sell our house or give our notice to quit the church until we hear these results.I feel like everything has stopped. I may say this every time, but this scan seems monumental to us.
I have so many thoughts running through my head. This is the first scan that we haven't had an XRAY in between scans. The past winter was hard on Micah and he always had chest congestion that we had to get checked out. So I kind of had a heads up that all things were clear. I think that was the case for the last 3 scans. So this time it has truly been a full three months that his lungs were looked at. I am pretty sure it's been a year since his abdomen and pelvis were looked at.
There is a part of me that thinks that of course there is nothing there. God wouldn't have brought us this far to give Micah cancer again and stop our plans to move forward to seminary. Going into the ministry is God's plan, not ours. That wouldn't be logical. But I really can't tell God what is logical or right. It is not my place. Who am I?
To me another relapse in a way would be unexpected. But in this journey we have traveled, we have learned to expect the unexpected.....
Cancer was unexpected.
The fact that it had spread so far was really unexpected, even to the docs.
Healing the first time was unexpected.
Lung complications were unexpected.
Relapse was unexpected.
The fast growth was unexpected.
The surgery was unexpected.
The miracle of healing was unexpected.
The immense growth of Ken and I spiritually was unexpected.
The many many friends we have made and the support we have received was unexpected.
The incredible blessings that are too many to name were very unexpected.
We have learned that our 10 year plan doesn't usually work out. In the good times and bad we can't predict what is going to happen. We are in His hands. We just need to just get on our knees, ask the Lord to open our eyes to our blessings, thank the Lord for those unexpected blessings, hold on and let him carry us through the unexpected sorrows.
We are actually doing OK. We are a little thoughtful and subdued, but we are trusting. I have my minutes of panic, not hours or days. God is giving us strength and grace. He has given us the desire to turn to Him instead of trying to figure it out ourselves. We know that God is good, faithful and His plans and timing are perfect. Nothing is unexpected to Him.
One thing I have never thought to pray for is the Doctor who reads the scan. I am going to pray for him a lot in the next day. I will pray that God will give him wisdom and clarity as he reads Micah's scan. I will pray that if there is something even so small that he will see it.
I was truly overwhelmed on facebook today when I asked for prayer. I know people support us and pray for us. But the way we are immediately surrounded and held up in prayer is a beautiful gift and it is something I don't take for granted. Thank you.
I am praying that I will be able to tell you all tomorrow, that Micah is perfectly healthy and that the Lord answered our prayers with a clear scan.
Today we did school in a most normal way. The kids went to my parents (across the street) for a pizza lunch. I appreciated that and the kids love it too. While they were gone I enjoyed the quiet and baked some cookies. It sounds very Leave it to Beaverish. Hehe. That is not me at all. (O: Ken just took the 4 kids to library just to give me a little time on my own. He does things like that all the time. He is a special man.
Ken and I feel kind of suspended in the day today. We are unable to move forward in our minds beyond tomorrow. Ken and I have a crazy fun 3 days outing planned at the end of this week. We have been trying to do this for a year. We got a super cheap get away, but it has never worked to use it. It makes me scream with delight. I have been looking forward to this for a loooooong time. But today I can't see it. We could go to Marineland on a homeschool trip and need to sign up by tonight, but I can't yet. I have been invited to a girl's sleep over/conference with some cousins and I can't commit. We can't sell our house or give our notice to quit the church until we hear these results.I feel like everything has stopped. I may say this every time, but this scan seems monumental to us.
I have so many thoughts running through my head. This is the first scan that we haven't had an XRAY in between scans. The past winter was hard on Micah and he always had chest congestion that we had to get checked out. So I kind of had a heads up that all things were clear. I think that was the case for the last 3 scans. So this time it has truly been a full three months that his lungs were looked at. I am pretty sure it's been a year since his abdomen and pelvis were looked at.
There is a part of me that thinks that of course there is nothing there. God wouldn't have brought us this far to give Micah cancer again and stop our plans to move forward to seminary. Going into the ministry is God's plan, not ours. That wouldn't be logical. But I really can't tell God what is logical or right. It is not my place. Who am I?
To me another relapse in a way would be unexpected. But in this journey we have traveled, we have learned to expect the unexpected.....
Cancer was unexpected.
The fact that it had spread so far was really unexpected, even to the docs.
Healing the first time was unexpected.
Lung complications were unexpected.
Relapse was unexpected.
The fast growth was unexpected.
The surgery was unexpected.
The miracle of healing was unexpected.
The immense growth of Ken and I spiritually was unexpected.
The many many friends we have made and the support we have received was unexpected.
The incredible blessings that are too many to name were very unexpected.
We have learned that our 10 year plan doesn't usually work out. In the good times and bad we can't predict what is going to happen. We are in His hands. We just need to just get on our knees, ask the Lord to open our eyes to our blessings, thank the Lord for those unexpected blessings, hold on and let him carry us through the unexpected sorrows.
We are actually doing OK. We are a little thoughtful and subdued, but we are trusting. I have my minutes of panic, not hours or days. God is giving us strength and grace. He has given us the desire to turn to Him instead of trying to figure it out ourselves. We know that God is good, faithful and His plans and timing are perfect. Nothing is unexpected to Him.
One thing I have never thought to pray for is the Doctor who reads the scan. I am going to pray for him a lot in the next day. I will pray that God will give him wisdom and clarity as he reads Micah's scan. I will pray that if there is something even so small that he will see it.
I was truly overwhelmed on facebook today when I asked for prayer. I know people support us and pray for us. But the way we are immediately surrounded and held up in prayer is a beautiful gift and it is something I don't take for granted. Thank you.
I am praying that I will be able to tell you all tomorrow, that Micah is perfectly healthy and that the Lord answered our prayers with a clear scan.
Praying with you!
ReplyDeletewill be praying for you and your family and keeping your son micah in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to know and believe that your precious Micah along with your entire family is in God's care. Ken and Belinda, we are praying with you. Thank you so much for the privilege of partnering with you. h.kleyn
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches with you. I can't imagine what you are going through. Even when my daughter is sick or has a cold I sometimes break down wih worry. I pray that God will give you comfort and that you will have answers soon!
ReplyDelete