I Just Know It......
I understand how hard it is to write what is on your heart and not send it out because it is too heavy or the feelings too private. I understand trying to make things normal at home, when your life is upside down, you are hurting so deeply and you are not sure if you or your life will ever be the same again.
I understand what it`s like when people ask at the hospital how long your child's treatment is and you have to say that they have given no protocol or length of treatment. It is strictly day by day. People who have asked, who have been in the cancer world for a short time, just looked at me perplexed, because it is odd. People who have lived it or know people who have, would just nod understandingly.
I read Holly`s (Kate's mom) post this morning and it brings me back to those days. I have checked my email everyday for the last weeks waiting to see an update, but there was part of me that wished it would never come. I talked to Micah's case manager, when we were there last week for a port flush and told her I was struggling a little. Every now and then, Micah has been showing some signs that make me stop breathing. But I am pretty sure it is a new normal that just shows itself when he is tired. We also talked that I hurt so much because I am reading reading a few Caringbridge sites about 2 beautiful girls that have relapsed.
The words that are written there are so close to my heart. At times, I could have written them myself. Most times it hurts me deeply. There is an easy solution: I should just stop reading. But I can`t do it. I could still pray for them without reading, but I would feel like I would be abandoning them if I stopped reading now. Sounds silly maybe. But that is just the way it is.There is something pushing me to walk the road with them.
I know you can only pray for so many people. In the last weeks, I have been overwhelmed by my own prayer list. Sometimes I don't where to start and stop. So if the Lord moves you, please join me in praying for Kate and her family. (I have another family that I am praying for, they are closer to home and I am waiting for permission to share.)
Kate's Caringbridge
Thanks for listening. I appreciate you all.
I understand what it`s like when people ask at the hospital how long your child's treatment is and you have to say that they have given no protocol or length of treatment. It is strictly day by day. People who have asked, who have been in the cancer world for a short time, just looked at me perplexed, because it is odd. People who have lived it or know people who have, would just nod understandingly.
I read Holly`s (Kate's mom) post this morning and it brings me back to those days. I have checked my email everyday for the last weeks waiting to see an update, but there was part of me that wished it would never come. I talked to Micah's case manager, when we were there last week for a port flush and told her I was struggling a little. Every now and then, Micah has been showing some signs that make me stop breathing. But I am pretty sure it is a new normal that just shows itself when he is tired. We also talked that I hurt so much because I am reading reading a few Caringbridge sites about 2 beautiful girls that have relapsed.
The words that are written there are so close to my heart. At times, I could have written them myself. Most times it hurts me deeply. There is an easy solution: I should just stop reading. But I can`t do it. I could still pray for them without reading, but I would feel like I would be abandoning them if I stopped reading now. Sounds silly maybe. But that is just the way it is.There is something pushing me to walk the road with them.
I know you can only pray for so many people. In the last weeks, I have been overwhelmed by my own prayer list. Sometimes I don't where to start and stop. So if the Lord moves you, please join me in praying for Kate and her family. (I have another family that I am praying for, they are closer to home and I am waiting for permission to share.)
Kate's Caringbridge
Thanks for listening. I appreciate you all.
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