One Year Later and Still Safe...
A year ago this week was a big week for us. I know we have so many anniversaries and dates that are important to us that you probably can't keep track of them!
Nov 9 2007 - found the tumor on our couch
Nov 22 2007 - first big (abdomen) surgery
Dec 28 2007 - chemo started
May-June 2008 - 6 weeks of radiation
Sept 2008 - major lung issues/oxygen for 4 days/started steroids
Feb 2009 - chemo ended
Spring 2009 - first clear scan after treatment ended
Dec 7 2009 - relapsed
March 22 2010- they didn't give chemo because the tumor had grown so big (a Monday)
March 25 2010 - big lung surgery (a Thursday)
June 2010 - clear scan
March 2011 - still cancer free
So much stuff. So much pain and sorrow. So many tears and questions. So much growing and learning. So much joy and praising the Lord.
I have a few pics from that time, that I would like to post. The first one is a picture of the night before his lung surgery. I took about 100 pictures of the kids fooling around. It was beautiful how relaxed they are. I remember snapping this picture and trying to hold my tears in. I was wondering if these were the last pictures we would have of Micah with the kids.
I never take pictures after a procedure unless Micah can smile for it, otherwise it is just too sad.
This is the first day he was awake. He used the oxygen mask a lot in the first days. You can see it by his side. He put it on when his breathing was labored, when he felt pain, was unsure or even upset. It was physical relief but also a comfort to him. I was so thankful that his pain was finally under control here. We struggled hard the first few days. His lungs had also starting working together by now. When he was in recovery and for the first day or so, I noticed that his lungs were rising at different times. We would watch one side breathe and then the other would go. It was very unsettling to watch.
This was taken closer to discharge. I can tell because he is wearing pants and he is actually smiling, even with his eyes. Micah didn't really have any visitors at the hospital. He couldn't handle it. He needed quiet and very little stimulation. My brother works at the hospital so he would stop in to check on us. My parents and sister supported us and helped us logistically with switching and to let us go for a coffee together. I did days at the hospital and Ken did nights. I was just over 30 wks pregnant and I needed my bed! But I can tell in this pic that he was happy to see these ladies! The one by Micah's head is Julie. She is Micah's favourite nurse. The lady in front is our Case Manager, Barb. She IS THE lady, who is our everything at the hospital. She is the go between, between us and everyone else. The lady on the top right is Veronica, the Art Therapist. She is also very special to Micah. We have been blessed by these ladies.
I was just re-reading some of my updates from that time. I thought about posting them here to show how far we have come. I have thought about giving the blow by blow of that day. But I am not sure I want to do either of those. It feels like yesterday and strangely I can picture every moment of that day, the days before and the days after. I don't really want to relive those moments, by writing them down. There is a time for remembering, but for some reason I don't feel this is the time.
Micah's surgery went 2 hours longer that it was supposed to be. It went 5 hours instead of 3. His first surgery was longer, but when you expect 3, 5 feels like days.
Pastor John stopped in to see us during those hours and ended up staying until they told us that he was out and that his lungs were working. We were so scared. We knew of God's promises in our minds, but our hearts were frantic. We had never been scared for Micah's life in the moment. We had worried about what would happen in the future, but wondering if he was going to die in the next hours or days was new to us and was overwhelming.
Pastor John prayed with us, sat in silence with us and paced the halls waiting. He also read to us from a book by Paul David Tripp. It is called, "A Shelter in the Time of Storm". It is a book on Psalm 27. You can see it HERE .
What I want to do is give you my favourite piece that Paul Tripp wrote in that book. It makes me cry and makes me so thankful that I serve THE Mighty God. The only One who saves, comforts and keeps me safe. I hope it will encourage someone who is hurting, like it encouraged us. It is a little long and I hope it grips you enough to keep reading. Please keep reading it is beautiful. Just in case you are not sure, the "You" always refers to the Lord.
I formatted the piece just like he did in his book.
Safe by Paul David Tripp
For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble. Psalm 27:5
I am safe,
not because I have no
trouble,
or because I never experience
danger.
I am safe,
not because people affirm
me,
or my plans always
work out.
I am safe,
not because I am immune from
disease,
or free of the potential for
poverty.
I am safe,
not because I am protected from
disappointment
or separated from this
fallen world.
I am safe,
not because I am
wise
or strong.
I am safe,
not because I deserve
comfort or have earned my
ease.
I am safe,
not because of
money
or power,
or position,
or intellect,
or who I know,
or where I live.
I am safe because of the glorious mystery of
grace.
I am safe because of the presence of
boundless love.
I am safe because of
divine mercy,
divine wisdom,
divine power,
and divine grace.
I am safe,
not because I never face danger,
but because You are
with me in it.
You have not given me
a ticket out of danger.
You have not promised me
a life of ease.
You have chosen to place me in
a fallen world.
I am safe,
because You have given me
the one thing
that is the
only thing
that will ever keep me safe.
You have given me
You.
I am safe
from my evil heart
and this shattered world,
not because I can escape
them both,
but because in the middle of
temptation and trial,
danger and disappointment,
sickness and want,
You give me everything
I need to
fight temptation
and avoid defeat
and to point others
to the safety
that can be found only
in You.
So I will wake up tomorrow
and face the anxiety
of not knowing
the fear of own my weakness
and the reality of the fall.
I will live with
faith,
courage,
perseverance,
and hope.
When danger comes,
and it will,
I will whisper to
my weakening heart,
"Emmanuel is your shelter;
you are safe."
Nov 9 2007 - found the tumor on our couch
Nov 22 2007 - first big (abdomen) surgery
Dec 28 2007 - chemo started
May-June 2008 - 6 weeks of radiation
Sept 2008 - major lung issues/oxygen for 4 days/started steroids
Feb 2009 - chemo ended
Spring 2009 - first clear scan after treatment ended
Dec 7 2009 - relapsed
March 22 2010- they didn't give chemo because the tumor had grown so big (a Monday)
March 25 2010 - big lung surgery (a Thursday)
June 2010 - clear scan
March 2011 - still cancer free
So much stuff. So much pain and sorrow. So many tears and questions. So much growing and learning. So much joy and praising the Lord.
I have a few pics from that time, that I would like to post. The first one is a picture of the night before his lung surgery. I took about 100 pictures of the kids fooling around. It was beautiful how relaxed they are. I remember snapping this picture and trying to hold my tears in. I was wondering if these were the last pictures we would have of Micah with the kids.
I never take pictures after a procedure unless Micah can smile for it, otherwise it is just too sad.
This is the first day he was awake. He used the oxygen mask a lot in the first days. You can see it by his side. He put it on when his breathing was labored, when he felt pain, was unsure or even upset. It was physical relief but also a comfort to him. I was so thankful that his pain was finally under control here. We struggled hard the first few days. His lungs had also starting working together by now. When he was in recovery and for the first day or so, I noticed that his lungs were rising at different times. We would watch one side breathe and then the other would go. It was very unsettling to watch.
Here is Micah's war wound. He had an epidural for the first 3 days, so this must be day 4 or so. He looks to be tube and wire free. On the Sunday he got his catheter, drainage tube, heart stickies and epidural out. He just had an IV left. What a difference that makes mentally in the healing process.
This was taken closer to discharge. I can tell because he is wearing pants and he is actually smiling, even with his eyes. Micah didn't really have any visitors at the hospital. He couldn't handle it. He needed quiet and very little stimulation. My brother works at the hospital so he would stop in to check on us. My parents and sister supported us and helped us logistically with switching and to let us go for a coffee together. I did days at the hospital and Ken did nights. I was just over 30 wks pregnant and I needed my bed! But I can tell in this pic that he was happy to see these ladies! The one by Micah's head is Julie. She is Micah's favourite nurse. The lady in front is our Case Manager, Barb. She IS THE lady, who is our everything at the hospital. She is the go between, between us and everyone else. The lady on the top right is Veronica, the Art Therapist. She is also very special to Micah. We have been blessed by these ladies.
I was just re-reading some of my updates from that time. I thought about posting them here to show how far we have come. I have thought about giving the blow by blow of that day. But I am not sure I want to do either of those. It feels like yesterday and strangely I can picture every moment of that day, the days before and the days after. I don't really want to relive those moments, by writing them down. There is a time for remembering, but for some reason I don't feel this is the time.
Micah's surgery went 2 hours longer that it was supposed to be. It went 5 hours instead of 3. His first surgery was longer, but when you expect 3, 5 feels like days.
Pastor John stopped in to see us during those hours and ended up staying until they told us that he was out and that his lungs were working. We were so scared. We knew of God's promises in our minds, but our hearts were frantic. We had never been scared for Micah's life in the moment. We had worried about what would happen in the future, but wondering if he was going to die in the next hours or days was new to us and was overwhelming.
Pastor John prayed with us, sat in silence with us and paced the halls waiting. He also read to us from a book by Paul David Tripp. It is called, "A Shelter in the Time of Storm". It is a book on Psalm 27. You can see it HERE .
What I want to do is give you my favourite piece that Paul Tripp wrote in that book. It makes me cry and makes me so thankful that I serve THE Mighty God. The only One who saves, comforts and keeps me safe. I hope it will encourage someone who is hurting, like it encouraged us. It is a little long and I hope it grips you enough to keep reading. Please keep reading it is beautiful. Just in case you are not sure, the "You" always refers to the Lord.
I formatted the piece just like he did in his book.
Safe by Paul David Tripp
For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble. Psalm 27:5
I am safe,
not because I have no
trouble,
or because I never experience
danger.
I am safe,
not because people affirm
me,
or my plans always
work out.
I am safe,
not because I am immune from
disease,
or free of the potential for
poverty.
I am safe,
not because I am protected from
disappointment
or separated from this
fallen world.
I am safe,
not because I am
wise
or strong.
I am safe,
not because I deserve
comfort or have earned my
ease.
I am safe,
not because of
money
or power,
or position,
or intellect,
or who I know,
or where I live.
I am safe because of the glorious mystery of
grace.
I am safe because of the presence of
boundless love.
I am safe because of
divine mercy,
divine wisdom,
divine power,
and divine grace.
I am safe,
not because I never face danger,
but because You are
with me in it.
You have not given me
a ticket out of danger.
You have not promised me
a life of ease.
You have chosen to place me in
a fallen world.
I am safe,
because You have given me
the one thing
that is the
only thing
that will ever keep me safe.
You have given me
You.
I am safe
from my evil heart
and this shattered world,
not because I can escape
them both,
but because in the middle of
temptation and trial,
danger and disappointment,
sickness and want,
You give me everything
I need to
fight temptation
and avoid defeat
and to point others
to the safety
that can be found only
in You.
So I will wake up tomorrow
and face the anxiety
of not knowing
the fear of own my weakness
and the reality of the fall.
I will live with
faith,
courage,
perseverance,
and hope.
When danger comes,
and it will,
I will whisper to
my weakening heart,
"Emmanuel is your shelter;
you are safe."
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