It's been 6 years....

November 7 is a big day for us. It's the day I felt Micah's tumor in his belly. It's the day it all started. On the 9th my first of many emails went out.

Hi All,

A prayer request:

On Wednesday night. we found a big lump in Micah's stomach. Yesterday, he had an ultrasound and an xray. From these tests, they cannot figure out what is wrong. Early next week he has to go to London for an MRI and to go see a specialist. 

This could be a small problem or a not so small problem.... Please pray that it will be a small one. Also please pray for Micah. He doesn't really know what is going on (which is good.), but he gets very nervous around doctors. I think his last needle scarred him!

Thanks for your prayers.

This email seems like it was written 20 years ago, yet it could have been written yesterday. It's been 6 years. I keep thinking about the fact that we were so young, not in numbers, but in experience.

Our lives are marked by a line. There is before cancer and after. Actually if I am specific, there are two lines. Diagnoses the first time and then relapse. We differentiate between the first and second time because the experiences were radically different.

I realized for the first time as I was writing this post that we needed the first trial to equip us for the second. I don't know why I never thought about it. It's another example of God's beautiful provision. God grew us and and tempered us with the first round. At relapse, He broke us down and put us through the fire, only to pick us up, giving us a clearer vision of who He is and our purpose here. It has defined our family in many ways. There are hard memories, but it is also a story of grace, mercy, blessings, healing and miracles.

The first time Micah got cancer, I started writing emails. I was so tentative at first, but as I got the hang of it, it became something important to me. It let everyone know what was going on, but it also gave me an important outlet. I have a binder that is full of all my emails that I wrote. I keep it high on a shelf and think it's wise not to go there. I haven't read them in years, but I skimmed them for a bit today when I was looking for our first email.

So much happened between Nov 2007 and Feb 2009. Treatment the first time was about 60 weeks long. It was intense and exhausting in every way. I should first say that there were good times in there. Micah sometimes had fun at the hospital. We got to the know the nurses, Art Therapists and were blessed by our new relationships. It made us appreciate the small things in life. We had a clearer vision of what's important. We cherished our time together at home. It became so precious. We spent so much time at the hospital that it became a home and sometimes I felt more comfortable and secure there than at home. Micah went through so much physical and emotional pain. He was so sick and got so weak that he couldn't even walk. There were times he was so sad that he wouldn't even talk. A smile from him would make our day and would sometimes even make me cry with relief. It was hard, but reading those emails made me see again and afresh what God did. It's been good for me to think about it. Usually I just think about relapse and the miracle God gave us. But when I reflect on those early days, I see just as much beauty in what God did. There are so many things, but here are just a few.

• It was a miracle I felt the tumor. It popped up and out a little bit, so that when Micah laid down, I could see it when I looked sideways. It didn't come out like that again. His cancer was aggressive and was spreading. If we didn't catch it then, most likely it would have been too late. It was all God's timing. He is so kind. 
• On Nov 22 2007, He allowed the surgeon to get the big primary tumor out without any significant bleeding or major trauma.  It still was a major trauma and a 7 or 8 hour surgery, but it could have been way worse. 
• He made the day to day work. Ken was able to take time off from teaching. I did the days at the hospital and Ken did the nights.
• It was such a long haul. When we were weary, God gave us strength in every way. 
• He put people in our lives to love us, pray for us and support us in so many ways. 
• He gave Micah special grace and courage. This one is so precious to me. 
• Even though Micah lost so much weight and they were ready to put in a feeding tube, the Lord kept that half pound on that Micah needed, not to drop below the line. A feeding tube would have been tough on Micah mentally and emotionally.
• The first scans after treatment started, showed that the spots on his lungs and liver were shrinking. 
• We were able to do radiation on his liver because God gave him so much peace on that table, allowing him to lay still. It was unheard of for a 6 years old. They were able to time the radiation to his breathing. By doing that it minimized the damage to the surrounding tissue.  It was incredible to watch. The techs were amazed.  . 
• He healed Micah quickly. Micah's cancer was gone 9 months after he started treatment. We still had about 5 months to go after that, but it renewed our energy and helped us to keep going when we were ready to drop from exhaustion. 
•  He provided for all of our needs, physically, emotionally and spiritually

He gave us joy in Him on some of the most tiring days of our lives. There are many big examples of the joy the Lord gave us along the way, but there is a small one that always makes me smile. I  remember a time that we had to move out of our private room and go to the ward room.  Someone was coming in with no immune system and they needed a room to themselves. Sometimes it was us who needed that private room. I always tried to put myself in their shoes and prayed for a happy and thankful heart, thanking the Lord that Micah had an immune system. But if I am honest sometimes Micah and I would just sit and cry together quietly. He struggled with being in the hospital. So when he didn't sleep, it was so hard on him. The ward was loud day and night. It was cramped and just miserable.(They renovated now, I guess it's way better!(:)  But there was this one time that I was bubbling over with joy while I was throwing a weeks worth of stuff onto Micah's hospital bed, while getting ready to roll it across the hall. My stomach was all twirly and I was smiling. It was overwhelming and I couldn't help but laugh, because I knew it was a special gift. It sounds kind of crazy, and like it's not a big deal. But it was. It was something so beautiful to me. My words can't do justice to it. Maybe you had to be there. (:

As I thought about this post the last few days, I loved looking back and seeing the Lord's hand in the big and small. He is in the middle of it all. He was there 6 years ago when I felt the tumor while Micah was laying on our plaid couch. He was there guiding the hands of Doc Girvan a few weeks later. He was close when Micah relapsed. He was holding us when we were told to stop treatment and that we were going to lose our boy. He was in the OR as Doc Merritt cut out a big part of his lung to save his life. Every single moment was planned for our good. It was orchestrated from the very beginning. Imagine that! It's amazing and wondrous!

I thank the Lord for the most important thing He has done. He has given us His Son on the cross so that we can live with Him for eternity. He loves us enough, even though we fail and let Him down every single day, to work in and on us, to refine and sanctify us. I wish I had the words to explain the fullness of gratitude I feel.

I was wondering if you would join us in thanking the Lord for giving our boy life and for using Micah's journey to not only change our lives, but lives of others?

He is our Almighty God. Praise be to His name.

In Christ Alone,
Belinda