In Christ Alone our Hope is Found

Hmmm.... I don't really know what to say. But I just need to write something. Today we did school in a most normal way. The kids went to my parents (across the street) for a pizza lunch. I appreciated that and the kids love it too. While they were gone I enjoyed the quiet and baked some cookies. It sounds very Leave it to Beaverish. Hehe. That is not me at all. (O: Ken just took the 4 kids to library just to give me a little time on my own. He does things like that all the time. He is a special man. Ken and I feel kind of suspended in the day today. We are unable to move forward in our minds beyond tomorrow. Ken and I have a crazy fun 3 days outing planned at the end of this week. We have been trying to do this for a year. We got a super cheap get away, but it has never worked to use it. It makes me scream with delight. I have been looking forward to this for a loooooong time. But today I can't see it. We could go to Marineland on a homeschool trip and need to sign up by to...

Things are so quiet here tonight. The boys went across the street to watch a Jays game. Nattie and Siah are cuddling in bed watching a few little cartoons on an ipod before sleep time. Pips is sleeping and Ken is at school. Tonight is the grand opening night for ORCS's new building. But it didn't work out for the kids and I to go because Ken needed the van to go to Brantford for volleyball this afternoon. Ken would have had to drive from Brantford to school to home and back to school and home again. That is just too much driving. )O: We haven't gotten any results yet. It is a little sad to go through a weekend without knowing. But we are resting quietly in His hands. God is so good. His ways are perfect. Hopefully on Monday we will get a call. If not, I will call them in the afternoon. I was going through some pics of the last few weeks and would like to share my little people with you. A little girl fresh out of the bath, all clean and ready for bed.  Nat...

We are waiting for results.  I am having a bit of a tough day. The excitement of having the scan done and it going so well has worn off. I am still thankful for His blessings but waiting is hard.   I called this morning to ask my case manager, Barb to check but she is not there. She has been gone past her holidays by a few weeks and I am a little worried. She is so dear to us. When I asked, they said they don't know when she is coming back. I hope everything is fine. Julie, who is also a love and Micah's all time favourite nurse is stepping in as a case manager, will look for us today or tomorrow.  The mind and Satan are quick to play tricks in my weakness. Thoughts swirl... Is she not calling because the prelim reports says there may be something? Is she waiting until the final report is read to get a forsure if that is the case. Is she waiting to let our Doc call.... etc. It is all irrational. It is only just over 48 hours since the scan. It is probably not in ...

The Lord answered our prayers in such a big way today. We got to the hospital at 8:20. Before we went in, we stopped for a moment and prayed together in the van.  Micah cried then, but they were the only tears I saw today. We only had to wait  for 10 minutes to be brought back. It was nice that they were the same people as we had last time. They are AMAZING. I really appreciate their kindness and competence. The lady gave Micah an IV and then they tucked him in on the table. He picked a Narnia CD to listen to. I sat in a rocking chair beside him and read. I am so thankful I could sit with him, since there is no radiation in an MRI. I could only really see his the top of his head and his arms. I looked at Micah's head every 2 pages looking for tears running down the sides of his face and looked at his hands to see if they were clenching. But he was so relaxed and his breathing was even. He held his breath when required and was super still. Micah told me he even dozed a litt...

Well, tomorrow is scan day. It has come up kind of fast. Strangely I am looking forward to it. I have been trying to figure out why. Maybe it's because it will be done and we can get results.  Maybe it's because I feel better doing something instead of waiting for the day to come.  Maybe it's because I am going to try to make it a day out for Micah. After the scan, I am hoping he can spend a little time in Art therapy. Then we decided to let him pick any place he wants to go to have lunch, so he has something to look forward to. He picked the Mandarin! He will be soo hungry! (O: Maybe it is just a special gift from the Lord to be so relaxed. Saying that I feel better doing something instead of just waiting, really made me think of the days of relapse. I really didn't like being at home. It was too hard. Some days being at home seemed like a waste of time. I felt I was doing something tangible when we went to the hospital. I remember my shoulders dropping with relief w...

I was just going to do a facebook status, but decided that I would rather post it here in "my little space"! I am feeling intense gratitude for my little family. Ken, Josh, Micah, Naddie, Siah and Grace, I LOVE YOU! I am so thankful that the Lord gave you all to me! 

Alrighty then.... This is the third and last birthday in April! We have a 2, 10 and 20! (O: Josiah was born sometime in the afternoon on April 20, 2006. It seems so long ago. It was an odd birth. I was 9 cm dilated before I started having contractions. Just before I was fully dilated, Siah's heart rate dropped and the midwives were yelling for me to push him out. It was awful. It was quick and scary. He came out looking like this.... After a couple hours he reddened up a little, but was still white around his eyes. They wanted me to skin to skin with him, but I said no. Looking back, I can't even believe it. I had no feelings for him. I just gave him to Ken. I am not sure why. Someone could have taken him, even when he was a few months old and I would have been fine with that. It made me sad, but it just was. It took me a while to love him, but once I did, I really loved him! (O: I remember thinking when I took this picture that 4 kids was a lot! (O: I have been t...

So we have had a few developments in the eye department. (O: First Micah and Josiah are somewhat color blind. That elevates their cool status. Odd I know.  When Ken asked Siah what he thought of it, he said, "Well actually, I want to be color blind because I am." Great perspective. Natalie has been asking him what color everything is. Did you know that girls can`t be color blind and that it comes from the maternal side? InTEResting! Josh went to our family doc on Monday for that bleeding in his eye. Today we went to the eye specialist. As of today the spot in his eye is gone. It must have been from Naddie clonking him in the head. A weight is off of Josh's shoulders. We are thankful. Lastly, Nads needs glasses. She is quite thrilled by the prospect. I can't wait to get her a pair! She will look sweet! (O:

Have to document this.... This boy is interesting. Josiah: Guess what I am thinking about? Me: I am not sure. Josiah: A kangaroo made from jello. Hop. Jiggle jiggle. Hop hop. (as he jumps on the couch) What a strange boy. He asks me to guess things all the time. I have to be honest, I really don't like guessing. He is the one who says after I get the first guess wrong, "MOM, you have 14 more guesses!" Oh awesome. I can't wait to see him in 10 years! He is way different than the rest. (O:

Number 1 was yesterday, just under this post! (O; I have been thinking a lot about the last post as we discussed it on facebook and realized that I missed a very important part! It's a no kidding thought!!! Last post, I very much concentrated on the physical aspects. They are very important. God is a god of order. In order for a family to function properly and efficiently a house must be organized. There is no doubt. I will work at keeping that schedule. But I do know that there are much more important things than a clean house. I am not interested in a spotless unlived in house. I just need order and to not feel like I am forgetting  to open the church or forgetting about Micah's weekly pitching clinic. I want to get rid of the tears that sit on the surface when I am surrounded by chaos. But in the last years I have learned such an important truth that I have to share. We need to live for the eternal. I have found joy in the past by choosing to spend a little extra t...

I have been struggling a lot lately to keep up with my life. I actually look at how things are going and am seeing that everything is kind of undone or done half way. I am not being the mom God wants me to be. I am snappy and not giving of myself. My devotions have suffered greatly for a few weeks (which is most likely the source of all my issues.) School has been rough and my church cleaning is a struggle. I am forgetting appointments and my house is a mess, I have so much de-cluttering to do, which I love to do, but need to find time. We need to decide if we are going to sell our house as is or do some work to it. We can ask more for it if we do some work. But we seriously don't have time and are not in the position to  hire someone to do it.  Ken and I had been walking  and I had been doing other things at home faithfully and I was feeling great. I have gone backwards in that area too. We just haven't had time to walk together. I sure miss it. My fave part of the ...

Today, Josh and Micah had a regular eye appt. Because of Micah's history, the Doc was super thorough with him. I really appreciate that. Micah's eyes look perfect. Although we found out that he is a little color blind. That makes me laugh and Micah thinks it's cool.  But they found a little bleeding in the back of Josh's eye. The Doc pushed for blood work to make sure it's not a symptom of a bigger problem. We are going to do that next week, just in case. Since then, I talked to a very trusted eye Doc (O:, who assured me the bleed is most likely from Josh getting kicked in the head by Natalie yesterday. He flew and was dizzy afterwards. So in God's providence Josh had an exam today. If he wouldn't have had it, we wouldn't have known. I see this as a test that I completely failed. I froze for a bit this afternoon. Leukemia is the worst case the Doc gave me and it kind of put me over the edge. I didn't rest in God's faithfulness. I just imagined an...

Today Josh is 14. WHAT???? I have a 14 year old. That sounds nothing but strange and may just age me 10 years! (O: I remember clearly being 14. It really isn't that long ago is it?I am also realizing, that in just over 4 years, depending on what he decides and where our family is living, he could be leaving us. That makes me open my eyes real wide and spurs me on to use and enjoy this time we have left with him. Josh was born 10.5 months after we got married. Looking back I can't believe how young we were. No really.Crazy. Josh is the only one of our kids that has moved around. When I was about 26 wks pregs we moved to Hamilton. Ken got his first teaching job at this school that was more like a 1 room school house. He taught grades 6-8.  I think they were Penecostal. It was interesting, but I was much too young to realize just how different it was. Everyone must have thought we were nuts. Looking back I think we were. (O: But God gave us peace, so we went. We lived in a...

It's been a bit of a long week. Ken has had parents teacher interviews the last 2 nights. Since we live 40 minutes from school it's not worth it for him to come home in between. This means he doesn't get home until 9:30 one night and 10:30-11 another night. That means LONG days for both of us. I know it's only been two days and he came home late at night so I at least got to see him. But it sure gives me a new perspective. I take for granted that I have an amazing loving husband who works hard for us and comes home to us every single day without fail. Ken's care and faithfulness to the kids and I is a beautiful gift from the Lord. I thank God for him everyday. OK this next sentence is mushy and I am whispering...... We have always had a great relationship, but I have never loved him more. Really, really beautiful  There you go. Sorry if it's too much. It had to be said.  (o: Reality is really setting in that we are actually going to move. For a long time it ha...

Our Natalie Maria has a birthday today. She is 8. I can't believe I have such a big girl. She is a great mix of girlie girl and tomboy. She loves to play with dolls and likes jewelery just as much as she likes to play baseball. This girl can hit like the rest of them. It is so fun to watch. Looking at her pictures as I scanned them in, I really see that she looks different than the rest as a baby. Her eye shape is like no one else. Interesting! (O: Grace and Nads don't look anything a like! I could have picked a trillian pictures. But I kept it short and sweet! She is kind and loving. She works so hard in school, even when things are are a challenge. Her and Micah have always been super close. When Micah was sick for the first time she was almost 4 and then again when she was almost 6. I have always wondered if those experiences have shaped her at all and how much she really understood. She is smashed in between the boys. She has 2 above and 1 below. It is not always e...